The shelf life of this thing is doubly suspect. When you bake and slice a dessert over two decades ago and can still eat it , you should be very suspicious and never want to consume it. Some of you are probably reading this wondering, Why does this list exist? Doesn't everyone already unanimously agree? Who even serves this anymore? Well, I asked myself the same question but quickly realized that some people aren't up to speed on just how outdated and bad-tasting fruitcake really is.
Virtually the only people eating it nowadays are British royalty and great grandmas who can't even taste it anyway. If catapults have been built for the sole purpose of hurling fruitcakes across a vast field, then that's all this dessert is good for.
End of story. Follow Delish on Instagram. Fruitcake made with butter and sugar was banned for a while in Europe in the 18th century because it was thought to be just too rich and tasty.
From the 19th century on fruitcake became a traditional wedding cake in England. In Germany fruitcake is called stollen shown above and has powdered sugar on top. Italy has panforte or pannetonne. Poland and Bulgaria call it keks.
Portugal has the bolo rei — each cake has one fava bean inside and whoever gets the piece with the bean is supposed to buy the cake next year! Those cakes can be really heavy.
And maybe because fruitcake lasts so long they often get forgotten, or re-gifted, and end up sitting around on shelves. Before the pandemic, one town in Colorado took getting rid of their unwanted fruitcake very seriously.
We love doughnuts and melted cheese , whipped cream and sriracha -- we've even written them love letters. But when it comes to fruit cake, all we feel is hate. In our hearts, fruit cake does not deserve a declaration of love, but the very opposite of one. This is the anti love letter. Fruit cake, we hate you, let us count the ways. We hate fruit cake's fluorescent candied fruit pieces.
Why must its candied fruit look radioactive? Photo credit: Ringo Ichigo. We hate that fruit cake looks pockmarked and diseased. And yet, it's somehow suppose to look appetizing. Photo credit, Flickr: jeffreyw.
Fruit cake is labeled as a cake; and this is incredibly misleading. No self-respecting cake would ever be this dense. A door stop is a better descriptor -- and what most people use this seasonal baked good for. Photo credit, Flickr: Brett Jordan. But why?
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